Coping with grief
In short: grief is a normal response to loss, and there's no right way or timetable for it. Look after the basics, lean on people you trust, and ask for help if grief stops you from managing daily life.
What grief can feel like
Grief can follow the death of someone close, but also other losses, such as a relationship ending, a job loss or a serious illness. It can bring:
- Sadness, shock, anger, guilt or relief
- Trouble sleeping, eating or concentrating
- Tiredness, aches or feeling physically unwell
- Waves of strong feeling, sometimes triggered by dates, places or songs
These feelings often come and go, and usually ease with time, though the loss may always matter.
Looking after yourself
- Allow yourself to grieve. It's okay to cry, or not to.
- Keep to simple routines, with regular meals, sleep and some time outdoors.
- Talk about the person or the loss with people you trust.
- Accept help with practical things, such as meals or paperwork.
- Put off big decisions for a while if you can.
- Find support, such as a bereavement group or counsellor.
Supporting someone who is grieving
Listen more than you speak, offer specific help ("Can I bring dinner on Tuesday?"), and keep in touch in the weeks and months after, when others may have moved on.
When to get help
Talk to a doctor or counsellor if, after many months, grief is still so intense that you can't manage daily life, or if you feel numb, hopeless, unable to accept the loss, or are drinking more to cope.
If you're in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, get help now. In the U.S., call or text 988 (the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or chat at 988lifeline.org. Elsewhere, call your local emergency number. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number.
Sources
- MedlinePlus: Bereavement
- National Institute on Aging (NIH): Mourning the death of a spouse
- NIMH: Caring for your mental health